Helen Clark's Doppelganger

The Prime Minister That Might Have Been

It has been said repeatedly that governments change not because opposition parties win elections; they change because governments lose them.

In the forthcoming election, imagine, in a parallel universe, a doppelganger of Prime Minister Helen Clark is running for an historic fourth term in power. Like all long term governments it has been struggling to come up with fresh new policy. The major opposition party, National, newly revitalised under the leadership of the personable John Key, has released nearly 50 policy documents, and the current Clark administration has not been able to release one.

So, essentially, the election is turning around the quality, credibility, morality, ethics, and honesty of the Prime Minister. She is due to give the most important speech of her political career—a kind of hastily organised State of the Nation speech in which she will present her credentials for being elected to an historic fourth term in office. Here is the speech:

My fellow Kiwis. I am standing before you tonight to ask you, once again, to put your confidence in me and my government, and re-elect us in this forthcoming election. I realise that you have already entrusted me with leading you now for nine years. This is something which has humbled me deeply—it is not to be taken for granted for one second. And I never have.

We live in difficult times and I would be misleading you if I were to give the impression that I have all the answers. I simply do not. You only have to look back at the past nine years to see many false turns, many mistakes, and many errors—many of them made by me. You know this. I have never resiled from telling you the truth, or from acknowledging my mistakes.

In case you have forgotten—and I am sure you have not—let me remind you of some of my gravest failings in holding the highest office in the land on your behalf. Firstly, there was Paintergate. You know how I signed a charity work of art as if it were my own when it was actually done by one of my staff. I explained at the time that it was not seriously meant—and that I was actually cutting corners to support charitable work.

But on reflection I acknowledged that there was something far more important at stake. Dishonesty, “spin”, gilding the lily, white lies—these things might be tolerated in every day life, but they are absolutely not acceptable in government. If a people cannot trust that their government is telling them the truth, in what can they trust? I was wrong to sign that painting. I acknowledged it at the time. I learnt one of the most important lessons of my career through that mistake.

It actually helped me a great deal, I believe. I resolved at that time that henceforth my leadership and administration would be marked by the highest ethical standards—that honesty and transparency would be the watchwords of government. Actually, this led to significant cost savings, because as a result of my own failings in Paintergate, and the resolutions that came out of it, I instructed the State Services Commission and all departments of government that all public relations positions were to be disestablished—including in—indeed starting with—my own department. There was to be no room for gilding the lily with spin and weasel words in any administration I led. I believe that as a result government has become more honest, more transparent—but also, as a result, all the warts of my administration have become more public. I believe that this is a good thing—although acutely painful at times to me and my colleagues.

I also instructed the State Services Commission that all state servants with salaries of $70,000 and above had to have a clause written into their contracts that if they ever acted in a manner which knowingly or deliberately misled their colleagues, their minister, or above all the public, it was to be a dismissable offence.

But I am sorry to have to say that my errors and mistakes did not stop there. You will well recall the day I was driven in motorcade in Canterbury in which we broke the speed limit for no good reason. While I was not really paying attention at the time, that is not the point. The law was broken, and I was the most senior person in the motorcade. The buck stopped with me. I took full responsibility at the time, and I do to this day.

We could go on. I have not been a perfect Prime Minister. I have not served you as well as I might. But what I have done is always to strive to remember that above all else that I am your servant and that I am always going to put your interests first.

You will recall how I voted against Sue Bradford's Anti Smacking Bill. My own beliefs on this subject are well known, and I will not canvass them again here. They are not important. What was important is that I had already told the electorate at the previous election that I would not support a law change, and that to outlaw reasonable physical discipline of a child was would be a vain attempt to change what is human nature. Having made that commitment, I was not going to back off. I know that I offended many supporters by this action—but I believe keeping the trust of the people is more important.

Further, you will know that I believe one of the biggest threats we face as a nation arises out of Climate Change. I have long pushed for concrete action and we finally put the Emissions Trading Scheme Bill before the House. However, I believe this far reaching Bill did not have sufficient support, either from the smaller parties, nor from the National party—although they have said they support the concept in principle. I decided to withdraw the Bill until after the election. If you support me to a fourth term, I pledge that I will work with all parties in the House on this important legislation. If I do not win a fourth term, I pledge that I will work constructively with the government of the day on this issue. It is just too important. We must get it right for ourselves and the future of our children and grandchildren. Once again your interests are more important than mine.

Now, there has been controversy over tax cuts. History may show we have got this wrong. Maybe not. But we thought it important at the time to proceed cautiously and carefully. It is all too easy to act and live as if the good times will last forever. Clearly they do not. I do promise that if elected I will bring you tax relief as fast as I can responsibly do so.

In recent days our country has been troubled with allegations of one of the parties in coalition with the Government having been involved in financial misdealings. This has vexed and troubled me deeply—as I know it does you. There is simply no place for even the hint of financial impropriety in government. Let me assure you I have given instructions to the relevant investigating authorities (the Police, the Serious Fraud Office and the Electoral Commission) that they are to follow through their investigations with thorough rigour. There is too much at stake to do otherwise. I have also instructed all the members of the Labour Party on the Privileges Committee to act in good faith, without any hint of partisan behaviour. It is the truth that matters, not politics.

There remain many other unsolved problems and issues in our country. We have made good progress in many areas; in others we have not. In some areas things have actually got worse. I take no satisfaction from this. The people of New Zealand deserve better. There is always more to be done.

I pledge to you, that if you elect me to a fourth term, the hallmarks of my leadership will not change: honesty, integrity, accountability. I am not going to promise to you that I will always get things right. That would be stupid indeed. I instead promise to you, that I will continue to lead you as I have endeavoured all along to do: that if we ever go down blind alleys again, I will be the first to acknowledge the error, and will strenuously work to see that things are turned around. Meanwhile, let's finish together what we have started.

A few weeks later the Helen Clark doppelganger was elected to an historic fourth term, with an increased majority—despite the harder, more difficult economic times.

Political pundits acknowledged that this proves once again that the most important political attributes are those of character: integrity, honesty, and humility. Once trust is won, people will give you the benefit of the doubt. Once trust is lost, all is lost.