Peter FitzSimons was explaining several days ago how the Wallabies were going to romp to victory over the All Blacks. This morning in the Sydney Morning Herald, he, ummm, clarified his position! FitzSimons at his best!
Oh, come off it. One time in your life, one time in your life, you haven't made a complete dickhead of yourself by publicly proclaiming the Ten Reasons the Wallabies would thump the All Blacks, only to subsequently see them go down by a near record score? All while wearing the absurd affectation of a red bandanna?
I know I have.
And the worst of it is I didn't really mean to. For when I went back to compare what I had written with what was published, I was horrified to see that what I had originally written was actually right on the money, and it was just the bloody subeditors that changed the meaning. Here, thus, finally, is the original, unexpurgated version.
Ten reasons we're gunna be flogged like a convict caught with the governor's wife.
1. While it is against the natural order of things for a group of New Zealanders to beat a group of Australians at anything, you only have to see how Julia Gillard went from playing full-forward with the Western Bulldogs to being Prime Minister - all in the space of three weeks - to see that stranger things have happened.
2. George Bernard Shaw once said German composer Richard Wagner ''has some wonderful moments … but some terrible half- hours!" and as the same may be said of the Wallabies over the past few Tests, there is every chance that will happen again.
3. The All Blacks are on fire. Some blowhard know-nothings say there is no way they can possibly play better, ever, than they did against the Springboks in their past two Tests, but form like that doesn't die overnight.
4. Our forward pack is going to get belted! Yes, they've moved forward from the days of having a collapsing scrum and a dud lineout, but they're still probably a week off being able to BELT THOSE MONGRELS STUPID!
5. We're out of our depth. When you lose a player the likes of Quade Cooper at five-eighth, it doesn't matter when you have a genius the calibre of Matt Giteau to move into that position, it never happens immediately. By next Saturday in Christchurch the new combination should be on fire, but I fear it won't happen immediately.
6. Drew Mitchell. He worries me. Yes, he's talented, but he's also hot-headed. If you really want to know what I think, I fear he's going to threaten my record for being the only Wallaby sent from the field in a match against the All Blacks.
7. Richie McCaw. He is the most damaging player in the world, and has never been stronger than right now. I think he will tear us apart in the second half. Plus he has the luck of the All Blacks.We're Australians. They're Kiwis. They're a lot luckier than us. Fair dinkum, how long is it since the ball bloody well bounced our way in a Bledisloe Test? EVERY freaking time, they get the rub of the green and we get a hole in the bloody donut. There is no reason to expect that will change.
8. History shows that the All Blacks are never stronger than a year out from the World Cup, and that is exactly where they are now.
9. The Kiwis want it more. We Australians have so many things to boast about, we lose track. Those poor bastards only have the All Blacks, so they ride it harder.
10. The Wallabies are cleverer. The most important match is not this first match, but the NEXT THREE, when our blokes will be BAAACK to tear them apart, after having lulled them into a false sense of security by allowing them to rack up 49 points. Remember, you heard it here first!
1 comment:
LOL!
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