Ouch

Trump Criticized

Breaks With Longstanding American Tradition Of Remaining In Middle Eastern Countries Indefinitely

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Trump announced that US troops would be pulled out of Syria, the President was quickly criticized by leaders on both the left and the right for breaking with the longstanding American tradition of remaining in Middle Eastern countries indefinitely.

Trump drew ire from both sides of the aisle for his "careless and reckless" disregard for the beloved American custom of meddling overseas without a congressional declaration of war and then hanging around for another few decades.

"Occupying a country on the other side of the globe and staying there forever is an American pastime," said a CNN host. "For Trump to pull out when we haven't even been there a decade yet is a disgusting display of his selfishness and unwillingness to conform to the standards of presidential decorum."

"Has he no respect for our ways of life?" the host concluded gravely.

In a rare moment of unity, pundits on Fox News agreed. "We just need another 20 or 30 years in Syria, and we can accomplish our goals," said a morning host on the right-leaning news station. "He didn't even really give our soldiers a chance to settle in."

"This is America, for goodness' sake—land of the free and home of messing with other countries' affairs. I don't like criticizing the president, but he's way off on this one," he added.