Derision of Disappointed Hopes

When Western Women Marry into Islam

For over thirty years Rosemary Sookhdeo has been involved with women--often associated with the Church--who have married Muslim men only to have everything fall apart.  In her book, Why Christian Women Convert to Islam [McLean VA: Isaac Publishing, 2007] she tells the stories of some of these women. 

In all the cases cited, the "after" proved a shocking contrast to the "before".  In some cases, the "before" involved Muslim men wanting to secure some particular selfish advantage, such as a visa, or immigration status.  Once the marriage delivered the immigration-compliance they were seeking, the marriage ceased to function.  In other cases, once married the romance quickly dissipated, to be replaced by the brute reality of reduction to the status of a chattel.


In many instances, the women were relatively ignorant of the teachings and theology of Islam--naively thinking that Islam was just a variant of Christianity.  After all, both Islam and Christianity and Judaism worship the same God, right?  It's just different takes or emphases on the same basic monotheistic truth.

Some women convert to Islam because they are not aware of the differences between Islam and Christianity.  They think both religions are very similar, so it doesn't matter which one you follow. . . . People often ask whether Allah and God are the same. . . . But the important question is not whether Muslims and Christians believe in the same God, but what they believe about God's character.  Christians understand the nature of God by looking at Christ who revealed the extent of God's love for humanity.  They believe God's primary attribute is love and call him Father.  Islam stresses God's greatness, transcendence, otherness and might.  God is so "other" that he cannot be adequately described in human language . . . . He is distant and "wills what he wills", which could be either good or evil.  There is  no assurance of salvation no matter how hard a person strives.  [Op cit., p. 34f.]

In one case, the cold distance of Allah began to trouble a women, four years into an Islamic marriage.

There were times when I wondered whether God really loved me.  In Islam Allah has ninety-nine names describing his qualities and nature, but not one of these describes him as a God who loves.  I had always known that, but now I really wanted him to love me and I began to feel all my efforts were inadequate.  What could I do to stay on the straight path and earn that precious place in heaven?  Yet I was trying to hard to please him--I prayed five times a day, and I wore the headscarf and outer covering of a typical Muslim woman and I tried desperately to learn Arabic . . . [Ibid., p.43]

Another stumbling block, once a woman marries into Islam and enters into the reality of that religion, is the status of women.  Firstly, it hits with the birth of daughters. Islamic men want sons.  Boys stay with the family and increase its power and economic wealth.  Girls leave to make someone else's family more powerful.  Moreover, they need to be provided with dowries, depleting the family into which they are born.  It is not uncommon when daughters are born for the household to cover up the birth as a form of shame.

Secondly, Muslim wives are not allowed to speak to men.

Therefore a girl married to a Muslim would have difficulty even speaking to, let alone having a long conversation with a man who wasn't a relative.  It would be totally alien to the cultural norms of the society, and would promote jealousy and suspicion within the marriage.  It would also bring shame for the family in the community.  In traditional Islamic societies all relationships are either based on the family or on keeping to same sex relationships. [Ibid., p. 60.]

Thirdly, Muslim wives must not bring shame on the family.  "Shame" is deemed to be the opposite of "honour", and in many Islamic countries is far more important than ethics and morality.  Honour killings are an attempt to remove shame and restore honour to the family.

Fourthly, Islam teaches (Hadith 301:1 Bukhari) that  women basically "over-populate" hell.  There are many  more women there than men.  How does a woman get to the Islamic heaven?  By absolute obedience to her husband.

He is her paradise or her hell; without obedience to her husband there is no heaven for a woman.  . . . The wives of the righteous and obedient are mentioned as accompanying their husbands in paradise.  Women in paradise must be submissive, subordinate, veiled and secluded in the harems of heaven, watching quietly as their husbands make love with the beautiful houris (perpetual virgins) of paradise.  Man is her master on earth, and she will be subjugated to him forever in heaven as well. [Ibid., p. 71.]

These grim realities confront professedly Christian women when they enter into an Islamic marriage.   It's not surprising that many are becoming refugees in their own countries as they try to cope with the derision of disappointed hopes.

If they reject Islam and return to Christ they risk life itself, since death is the punishment decreed for the apostate.  Such are often forced into a secret, underground existence fearing for their lives.  Islam is not from this world.  It is from another being--one malicious, utterly evil, and who rejoices in the suffering of human beings.