A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable,
But the mouth of fools spouts folly. . . .
A soothing tongue is a tree of life,
But perversion in it crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15: 1--4
Some people have a wonderful way of always speaking a kind word or doing a kind act at the right time--just when it is most needed and will do the greatest good. . . . Many people with the very best motives and intentions and with truly large capacity for doing good almost utterly fail of usefulness, and throw their lives away because they lack this gift of tact. They perform their kindest deeds in such an inappropriate way as to rob them of nearly all their power to comfort or cheer. . . .
Everyone gives them credit for honesty of intention, and yet their efforts to do good mostly come to naught or, even result in harm. The sad part of it all is that their motives are good and their hearts full of benevolent desires. Their lives are failures because they lack the proper touch and do not know in what manner to do the things they resolve to do.
Others . . . because of their peculiar and gentle tact scatter gladness all about them. Their thoughtfulness seems intuitively to understand just what will be the best word to speak or the kindest and fittest thing to do.
There are some who regard tact as insincerity or hypocrisy. They boast of their own honesty which never tries to disguise a dislike for a person, which bluntly criticises another's faults even at the price of his friendship. They believe in truth in all its bare ruggedness, no matter how much pain they may give. . . . They mistake bluntness for sincerity. In the name of candour they employ sarcasm or sharp and bitter personalities. When others are grieved or hurt, or insulted, they answer, "I am a blunt man; I say what I mean, and you must excuse me."
Frankness is to be honoured, but this is not frankness; it is impertinence, cruel unkindness, the outbreak of bad nature in him who speaks, which, instead of doing good, works only harm.
A true appreciation of . . . the teachings of the Gospel will reveal that our Lord Himself exercised the most thoughtful tact among the people. He was utterly incapable of rudeness. He never needlessly spoke a harsh word. He never gave pain to a sensitive heart. He was most considerate of human weakness. He was most gentle toward all human sorrow. He never suppressed the truth, but He uttered it always in love. Even the terrible woes He pronounced against unbelief and hypocrisy . . . must be read in the light of His tears over the city of His love which had rejected Him. . . .
He never spoke brusquely or made truth cruel. He saw in every man and woman enough of sadness to soften the very tones of His speech, and produce feelings of ineffable tenderness in Him. If we can but realise, even in the feeblest way, the feeling of Christ toward men, our bluntness and rudeness will soon change to gentleness. And this is true tact. It is infinitely removed from cunning. Cunning is insincere. It flatters and practises all the arts of deception. It professes a friendship and interest it does not feel. It seeks only to promote its own ends. It is selfish as the core, and utterly wretched and debasing. . . .
Tact has a wonderful power in smoothing out tangled affairs. A pastor, with it, will harmonise a church composed of most discordant elements and prevent a thousand strifes and quarrels by saying the right word at the right time and by quietly and wisely setting other influences to work to neutralise the discordant tendencies. . . . In the home it is a most indispensable oil. Quiet tact will always have the soft word ready to speak in time to turn away anger. It knows how to avoid unsafe ground. It can put all parties in good humour when there is danger of difference or clashing. It is silent when silence is better than speech.
A man with great gifts and learning accomplishes nothing, while another, with not one-half of his natural powers or accomplishments, far outstrips him in practical life. The difference lies in tact--in knowing the art of doing things. . . . Tact is no doubt largely a natural endowment, but it is also partly an art, and can be cultivated.
Dr J. R. Miller, Weekday Religion (1897)
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