Woman, Behold Your Son

“Woman, Behold your Son”: our Lord’s Third Word from the Cross

We now come to one of the more puzzling of the seven words spoken by our Lord as He was making atonement for our sin. Puzzling, not because we do not immediately understand the instruction given by Jesus to His mother, and to John, the apostle but because (dare we say it) the matter seems mundane amidst what it taking place. Accordingly, it seems out of place.

Yet we know immediately that this cannot be the case. There is nothing ordinary or mundane at Golgotha where the Son of Man is offering up His life as a ransom for our sins. We also know that Messiah is about His official duties in all that is happening here. In particular, He is engaged in His official duties as our great High Priest. So we need to think carefully, to catch the significance and moment of this third word.

We see a pattern emerging in these seven deliberate official words. The first three are spoken in the initial three hours of His crucifixion, between the hours of nine to twelve. Light is still shining and His sacrifice is being witnessed publicly, both by His sheep and His enemies. The three words are all spoken to or for men. The first is a prayer to the Father that He suspend His judgment upon those crucifying Him for a time. It is a prayer for His enemies—and, by implication, for all mankind. In interceding for His enemies, He fulfils one of the basic duties of a Priest—that of representing the needs of His people to God.

The second word is to the newly converted thief—one of His sheep, one now numbered amongst His beloved brethren. It is a word spoken to one of His elect, to a member of His body, the Church. As such, it is a word that thrills and comforts all believers, all His children, everywhere, for all time. It is a word which resonates in our own souls. We cannot but see ourselves represented on that thief’s cross—he is a type of each of us. Once we cursed and mocked the Saviour. Once we were far off. Now we have been brought near. That word of grace, “This day you will be with me in Paradise” comforts our mourning and afflicted hearts.

As the day of our own death inevitably draws nearer, that second word becomes more personal, more meaningful, more precious. We hear the echo of our Lord’s word to our brother-thief in our own hearts, and we are comforted, and our faith is strengthened. In the day of our death, we will be with Him in Paradise.

The third word to John and Mary narrows the audience down still further to His own immediate family. It is an intensely personal word—almost, we would think, a private word, one which it is not our business to know or hear. Its official significance is not immediately apparent.

It is the last word spoken to mankind from the Cross before the darkness. The remaining four words are all exchanges between Messiah and His heavenly Father, spoken amidst the darkness—or when all is accomplished and the temple curtain has been rent. To these words we will come in due course.

We wonder about this instruction to Mary and John. Surely it is something that Jesus would have arranged before His Passion. He clearly knew of His forthcoming death. He planned for it. He knew that the hour was coming when the sword spoken of in prophecy by Simeon to Mary would soon pierce her heart. John was the disciple whom Jesus loved. Surely our Lord would have taken John aside before this and privately laid upon him the duty He now enjoins from the Cross. Surely He would have “put His affairs in order”, as it were, before now.

Instead we should see in this instruction to Mary and John something of great moment and significance. It is no accident that this instruction and arrangement is being made now—at this precise hour, just before darkness falls, and He enters properly and fully into Hell.

There are four women particularly close to our Lord at the Cross. There is Mary, His mother. There is the mother of the sons of Zebedee (James and John, the disciples) and her name is Salome. (Matthew 27:56 compared with Mark 15:40). There is Mary Magdalene. And there is Mary, the wife of Clopas, the mother of James the Less and Joses. John tells us that Mary’s sister was also there (John 19:25)—and from that we deduce that John’s mother, Salome was also Mary’s sister. John and Jesus were cousins, and Salome was Jesus' aunt.

(Early church historians also tell us that Clopas was the brother of Joseph—the father of Jesus—so that Mary the wife of Clopas, was also Jesus' aunt by marriage. It is assumed that Joseph, Jesus' father, had died by this time and that His mother, Mary was a widow.)

Grace had penetrated deeply into the extended family of Jesus—a sign of things to come when the Holy Spirit would be poured out on all flesh. One may say the extended earthly family of Jesus is before Him at Calvary. Equally startling is the presence of Mary Magdalene, the former prostitute, who seems to have been adopted into His family circle. Grace is removing sin and restoring the unity and harmony of Eden. These women, collectively, stand as a kind of prophetic symbol of what is about to happen as the Spirit is poured forth upon all peoples and nations.

But we get ahead of ourselves. There is work to be done—official work. And our Lord, ever obedient, ever subject to the Law, ever working for His Father and for His Kingdom has one last official duty to perform before He descends fully into Hell. He beholds John and His mother, Mary standing before Him and He says, “Woman, behold your son,” and to John, He says, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour, we are told, John took Mary into his own household.

Honour your father and your mother, says the commandment. It is our first and highest duty to our fellow creature—and through this gateway all our duties to our fellow man stretch before us. Jesus, our Lord, will not depart this life without a final act of obedience with respect to mankind. He will keep fully and utterly His duty to the Law. He will honour His mother!

We cannot but marvel that midst all His suffering, His anguish of body and soul, He yet loves His Father and His Father’s law, and He loves His own.

But there is more going on here. We are struck by His address to Mary as, “Woman.” It is not a term of filial love, but it is a courteous respectful term, corresponding to our “lady”. Jesus had used this word before, at the wedding in Cana—and at that interchange it is clear that He was separating Himself from His mother to fulfil His public work. “Woman, what do I have to do with you? My hour has not yet come.” (John 2:4)

So here, at Calvary. He is taking leave of Mary as His mother. He will no longer be her son; she no longer His mother. For when He arises from the dead and ascends to His Father, all His Church, all His people, all His sheep will have claim upon Him and He will represent them all before His Father. With this third word, Jesus is breaking down, or deconstructing finally His earthly family, that He might reconstruct them within the Church.

It is significant, we believe, that after this formal instruction we read only once more of Mary in the sacred record. It is found in Acts 1:14 where she is in an upper room in Jerusalem where 120 persons were gathered in the company of the apostles. Mary and her other sons are there, as part of the gathering. Mary and her sons are now members of the Church, of the new Israel, and Mary sits under the authority of the apostles. Her official duties as the mother of our Lord have ended; she has become a simple member of the Church.

She will gather with all the believers and with them will continually devote herself to the apostles teaching, to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. (Acts 2:42)

During His ministry, our Lord had indicated that this would be the case. His earthly family would be deconstructed, and then reconstructed into a new relationship with Him. This new relationship was profoundly different from what they had known as a family in Nazareth. During His earthly ministry His brothers had not believed in Him (John 7:5). At one point when they and His mother came to see Him, He “rebuffed” them by asking: “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” Then He stretched out His hands to His followers, His disciples and said, “Behold, My mother and My brothers.” (Matthew 12:47—50)

In a sense Jesus was rejecting His family, as His family! In order for them to be saved, they had to give Him up as son and brother, and come to accept Him and believe in Him as Messiah, as their Lord, and their Saviour. His family, if they were to remain in the Kingdom of God had to change radically their views of Him. They could know Him after the flesh no longer.

This must have been more difficult for Mary than any other. Her whole being would have cried out to her that this One was part of her, and to her belonged the respect, devotion, care, honour that all parents have a right to expect from their children. What is the instinctive reaction of parents when children are dismissive toward them? Because it is so contrary to nature, and so inconsistent with the Fifth Commandment, we bridle. And so we should.

But the case of the Messiah is special, unique. He loves His own unto the end, and that includes His mother and brothers. But in order to save Mary, He must distance Himself from her, so that she can come to Him in a new relationship, in humble faith and submission, not as her son, but as her Lord.

All this is before us at Calvary. It is His last official word to the Church, before darkness falls and He descends into Hell. It is both a personal word, and a public word. It is significant for our sister, Mary and significant for each one of us.

In the first place, our Lord even amidst the terrible agonies of making atonement is still determined to minister to His sheep. He will settle this last outstanding piece of business. Secondly, we have already observed how He speaks to Mary respectfully, but not as His mother. He is breaking that relationship for all time, for her sake and our sakes. “Woman, behold your son.” Thirdly, He speaks imperially. He gives a firm command. From now on, woman, you will regard John as your son, not Me. John, from this point on, you will adopt Mary as your mother. I am leaving you, and you will know Me after the flesh no longer.

This is the way it will be. And why is this for Mary’s sake? So that she can stop regarding Him as her son, and come to believe in Him as her Lord, her Saviour, her High Priest—so that she can believe in Him as the only one given by God that she might be saved. So that she will give up any lingering personal claims upon Him—and see Him, instead, as the Saviour of the world.

And why for our sake? That we would know for ever absolutely and certainly that the Kingdom of God is not of blood, but of faith. That we would know that our sister Mary has no more claim upon Him than each of us does. That we would know for certain that we are His mothers, His brothers, His sisters. We are His, and He is ours.

It is His last word to mankind before He descends into hell. Do not boast of Abraham as your father. Do not take comfort from a long lineage of faithful fathers and mothers before you in the church. Do not claim blood or racial privilege.

There is a paradox here. Flesh and blood is important in God’s Kingdom. The covenant of grace flows down through family lines. “I will be a God to you and to your children after you.” God’s great promise is to us and to our children—and it is one of the most beautiful and gracious promises in the whole Bible. In grateful faith and hope in this promise, we baptize our children, even as our covenant forbears circumcised their sons.

But unbelief is ever ready to deflect our hope and gaze away from God and His promises to the creature and the flesh. This last word to mankind from the Cross, to His mother, breaks asunder the hopes and claims of the flesh, and directs us instead to Christ and His work. If Mary could not claim special privilege, no-one can. Christ publicly breaks up that special relationship, so that none may hope in the flesh any longer, but will look only to Him and His saving work in our behalf.

We cannot leave this third word, without reflecting with great sadness upon the terrible aberration that has happened within some circles of raising Mary up into a special place. It is as if many have shut their ears to our Lord’s word from the Cross. It is not by chance that it is precisely amongst those who do not see final and complete satisfaction in our Lord’s sacrifice for sin at Calvary that we find the false reconstruction of Mary into a position of prominence.

Paul commands us to boast in the Cross alone. Blood ties have no place at Calvary. Blood ties have no longer any claim upon Him. The flesh has no coin, no currency. He is the Saviour of the World. By faith, not by flesh, we become His father, His mother, His brother, His sister. The word, “Woman, behold your son” contains an admonition and warning to all—but at the same time, they are words of blessed hope and promise to all members of His true family.